June 28th...

Today would have been my due date if I had not miscarried from the fresh IVF cycle last December. It’s really hard to believe this much time has passed. There have been many ups and downs, but ultimately I have a peace knowing that that itty bitty baby wasn’t meant to be ours and God has a bigger and better plan for the future of our little family.

So much has happened in the last 9 months - but the biggest I’d say, is Danny leaving his job with T Mobile and working with me at the boutique all summer while he pursues a new career in real estate! I am so proud of him! He is going to ROCK it! He’s really excited about this transition too, so I know it was the right decision. Way to go, babe – you’re totally going to ACE the test and this career! I'm so proud that you are pursuing something new that you're excited about and you were courageous enough to step out and do it! It will be amazing!

With all of the exciting transitions happening over the summer, we decided to postpone all things “baby” until September. Well, the summer has flown by and September is just days away. We will head back up to Portland to see our RE (reproductive endocrinologist) in a couple of weeks for an ultrasound to see if my body is ready to proceed with the Frozen Embryo Transfer (FET). We were already given the projected date of our FET, but there are a few variables that could change this, so I will wait until after the ultrasound before I count on it.

Making the decision of when to proceed with this journey was not one we made lightly. I really wrestled with fear surrounding this decision this time around. Over the last several months, I have felt a certain weight or burden of responsibility in choosing when to continue. I’ve struggled feeling like I am in too much control of a situation that usually happens like a surprise naturally. I know beyond showing up and proceeding with the FET, we have no control whatsoever of the outcome. It might work, it might not. We know this going in. It’s in God’s hands. He sees the big picture. I do not. He knows my future child by name and what he/she will look like. I do not. He sees the full picture and the reason for this journey that he has pre-destined for us; the full story that he designed – just for us. I do know it will be beautiful and I know it will be better than I am capable of imagining for myself. I know that he promises to never give us more than we can handle and he promises to provide for us. I’m holding on to those promises and it has given me the peace I need to feel confident in moving forward next month.

As September approaches, I can say with certainty that excitement is finally starting to outweigh anxiety. After months of waiting, waiting, and more waiting, it’s starting to feel real! The funny thing is, the waiting really is just beginning…waiting for the FET, waiting for the first blood test, then another blood test, then possibly another, then the ultrasound for a heartbeat...and the list grows on. This is just the beginning!

I will post more frequently when there is news to post…most likely the second week of September. Thank you for the love and support and encouragement as we keep plugging along!

“Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I entrust my life.” Psalm 143:8