Our next chapter: IVF.

We had some suspicions that we might need some extra assistance in the pregnancy department. Suspicions confirmed a few weeks ago, following some basic preliminary testing when the doctor called.

"It will be highly unlikely that you will conceive on your own."
Swallow. "Ok, what does that mean?"
"It means, you should probably seek out the assistance of a fertility specialist if you ever want to get pregnant. Unfortunately, this is outside of my scope..."

We have this preconceived notion that getting pregnant will be so easy. Here we are as women spending several months or years of our life on the pill or what have you, preventing pregnancy - and just when you think you're ready to start "trying"...things don't always go according to plan. Do they ever, actually? Not MY plan anyway. Just another reminder I am NEVER in control. I've spent the last several months celebrating the pregnancies and births of baby after baby with my friends, all while struggling through our infertility. I think I lost count around my 11th shower invite since last winter. I know I'm not alone here. I know there have been countless women who have walked in my shoes, women who want nothing more than to have a baby; to create and share that genetic miracle with your husband, the love of your life. To see a little 'you' in your child's eyes. To grow a family and fulfill a life long desire and dream to be a mother. Tears of joy, tears of loss, tears of jealousy, tears of love - they've been shed by women all over the world. I am not alone. This is why I'm sharing our story. As it unfolds, not after the fact when everything is fabulous and successful (God willing) - but now. Through the hormones, through the tears, through the struggle for contentment as we wait with no promise we will ever be bringing a baby home that is genetically ours. It's in God's hands, fully. We wait. We trust. We share.

Following several conversations and a lot of Googling, I made an appointment with a fertility specialist that had come highly and repeatedly recommended to me. Danny and I sat down in his office a couple of weeks ago. He looked at the original test results, and upon our conversation and our desire to be pro-active with this, he decided the best option for us is In Vitro Fertilization or IVF, using the ICSI method (pronounced "Ick-See") - which stands for intracytoplasmic sperm injection. Check out this amazing picture - this is hanging in our doctor's office. Wow.



It's the most advanced and aggressive form of IVF in which they isolate just once singular sperm and actually inject it into the egg and basically force fertilization. Crazy. Amazing. Up until this point, we had assumed the only issue with our infertility was with Danny's low sperm count (he has about 5% of what he should have) due to all of the medications he had been on for the last several years prior to his surgeries for his Ulcerative Colitis - basically killing his sperm production. Well, doctor's never just assume...so prior to starting the several weeks worth of medication and preparation my body has to go through to get ready for this, I had to undergo the initial exam eliminating any unseen complications.

This last Thursday morning, Danny and I went in for my exam. Upon my pelvic ultrasound, it was revealed that I have a "septate uterus" - a heart-shaped uterus, instead of an upside down triangle or balloon shaped uterus.

The doctor called it a "birth-defect." It is rare, affecting only about 1% of women. Sometimes, this goes undetected in women and pregnancies carry on as usual. Most often times, it increases the risk of miscarriages especially late-term miscarriages, because that top dip part of the "heart" is taking up extra space in the uterus and won't give the baby enough room to grow to full term - especially if it's twins (which is common with IVF). So, next Friday morning, October 4th up at Legacy Emmanuel Hospital, I'm having surgery to correct this. Luckily, it's a very quick and safe, out-patient procedure. I should be in and out in a few hours, and back to normal in a few days. We are having the surgery done quickly, so I can be healed in time to proceed with IVF this Fall! Here's a quick overview of this process IF everything goes according to plan...

I will be on a handful of medications and daily hormone injections to prepare my body for the harvesting of eggs, but also getting my uterus nice and cushy for the embryos later. On these hormones, most women are insanely emotional. The doctor didn't use the word "crazy"...but implications were made, hehe. He did say, and I quote, "This is about the time, that the husbands spend a lot more time out in the shop." Gotcha, haha! Anyway, these hormones will force my body into hyper-drive, forcing several eggs to mature at once. Our bodies normally drop 1 egg every month during ovulation. These drugs will force my body to drop several - the goal at harvest is 15-20 eggs for my age. Luckily, during the ultrasound Thursday, I had several visible egg sacs in both ovaries, so everything looks good there. After taking the necessary medications for about 6 weeks, he will do another ultrasound to make sure that my eggs have matured and there are enough ready to harvest. My ovaries will be huge and swollen, and I will feel bloated and actually look pregnant already from this swelling. It will be very uncomfortable. Then he will go in with a GIANT suction needle, and remove these eggs from both ovaries. Aside from the surgery, this sounds like the most unpleasant part of the whole process. I will be sedated though, thank goodness. If everything goes according to plan and my body cooperates, the harvest will take place the end of November. From there, they take my fresh healthy eggs, and a fresh semen sample, and they begin selecting the best of the best, injecting 1 sperm into each egg. Some will die immediately, some will begin to grow into embryos. We're hoping for 6-8 embryos with this fertilization. After 5 days of my babies growing in a petri dish, they will select 2 embryos and implant them back into my uterus, freezing the rest. 10 days later, they will take my blood to check my hCG level, and if the embryos implant after the transfer, I will be pregnant! We will know by Christmas! I have a 40% chance of both of them implanting: TWINS. Because of my age (30), I have an 60-70% chance of this process working the first time. Once I'm pregnant, my body will take over and I will have the same risks as any other pregnancy. 85% chance the pregnancy will be healthy and I will carry to full-term, 15% chance of mis-carriage. The next transfer would be February 2014, if this first round is not successful in which we would use our frozen 'reserve' embryos. We will be praying for a beautiful, healthy strong, baby or two - THE FIRST ROUND! Amen? Amen!

This process is exciting, terrifying, and amazing all at once. It's a miracle that modern day medicine can provide this option for us - for that I am blessed and thankful. God is in total control, and I trust that he will provide for us in ways we cannot even fathom. He sees the big picture and I truly believe he will grant us the desires of our hearts. I look forward to sharing this journey with you! Thank you for your love and prayers. I will do my best to keep you up to date through this journey. This chapter. Our story.

XOXO

E