Viles, Syringes, and lots of HORMONES...

The last couple of weeks have been interesting...

The first day of my period last week I started the medication Ortho Cyclen to put my ovaries to rest, preventing ovulation. The first few days of my cycle, I thought my uterus was in complete protest and directly PUNISHING me from the uterine surgery I had 5 weeks ago to correct my septate uterus. I feel like after having cramps that bad, labor should be a breeze! Those were a rough few days to say the least. Thank God for my lovely employees Kelsey and Jill for rescuing me last minute, so I could go home and sleep it off...which I did just that. Each day was better than the last and aside from the daily bouts of nausea that I feel from the Ortho Cyclen, I'm doing just fine...nothing a few saltine crackers can't cure.

This week, on Tuesday to be exact, I received a box full of all of the medications I will need for the next 4-5 weeks. I pulled everything out of the box and took a picture...



Then I put everything back in the box, and threw it in the back room. An emotion I wasn't expecting during this journey came over me.

Anger.

Angry that this is my journey. Angry that I have to put my body through all of this, when our bodies as women are designed to do this naturally - without help. Angry that there's always something and it can never be simple...as if Danny nearly dying and then having 3 major surgeries which included a colectomy from Ulcerative Colitis our first year of marriage wasn't enough, and now this journey through IVF our second year of marriage. Angry that women all over the world get pregnant without even trying every.single.day...some women who don't even WANT *GASP* their babies. Angry that life isn't fair sometimes. Boo hoo, poor me.

I am human. I had a moment of selfishness, and I knew it. I had to change my perspective. A day or two passed. I had a few pep talks. I connected with a beautiful new friend that just had a perfect baby boy using the same IVF/ICSI method that we're doing with the same fertility specialist we're seeing. She brought her baby into the shop. He was beautiful. I needed that. It filled me. My spirit was renewed. My fight was restored. I can do this. We are so blessed we even get the opportunity to do this, to try this. Our insurance is paying for most of it. That alone is HUGE and RARE and I am so so so so so grateful. Many couples pay out of pocket for this - taking out loans or second mortgages. It totals around $12,000 per 1 full IVF/ICSI round with no guarantee. That is a huge risk for couples without any help! I also know there are couples where IVF isn't even an option for one reason or the other, maybe physically or emotionally. I am healthy. I am strong. I believe God will bless us and use our story.

Tomorrow, we have a 9:30am appointment so I can be shown how to give myself the injections at which time, I will start said injections. This is it! It's time for the big guns. 4-5 weeks of daily hormone injections that will take my ovaries from almond size to grapefruit size. Ok, ok, so maybe I'm exaggerating...we'll say oranges instead. Either way, I'm about to get huge and look pregnant before I actually am. I've been told I will be bloated, bruised, uncomfortable, crampy, and I will feel like I am going to explode...oh, and crazy. Definitely crazy. Haha. I'm assuming this is a gradual process the closer I get to my harvest date, but regardless of how long it takes to get there, I'll be there soon. So, with a prayer and a renewed positive attitude, I'm ready. I can do this. Bring on the crazy. Bring on the moo moos, stretchy pants, strategically draped fall layering pieces!!

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